Ireland invited to join mile high club

It’s mortifying really. And with the whole world looking on. Will we never learn? If only we’d accept our ignorance and listen to our betters. It’s no wonder Mr Walsh from IAG had to get cross in front of that bold Oireachtas Transport Committee. He told us he’d only tell us once, and that if he had to come back, he’d be really annoyed and we wouldn’t like it.

And Mr Byrne from City Jet laid down the law too. We’re just plain stupid – gombeens – or at least the people we elected to look after our country and our things, they are. And Mr Barrington the Aer Lingus Chair says we’d be mad not to sell our Aer Lingus stake, and he should know, since he already does business with Mr Walsh and thinks he’s great.

It’s clear that Messrs Walsh, Byrne and Barrington are very eager for we Irish to sell our Aer Silverware. They are sure it will do us good. They have no personal interest, they only want us here in Ireland to be happy. And this they promise will make us happy. And we dither. Mortifying. They realise that grown-up decisions like this shouldn’t be in the hands of the governments of democratic republics. It must be very frustrating for them.

And Mr Worth speaking personally, and Deputy Rabbitte speaking personally, also want us to sell.

We’re just too stupid. We’re walking around the airplane, kicking the tyres, while the nice man is telling us it’s a snip, a bargain, are-we-mad-or-what, a-chance-like-this-won’t-come-again. Sigh. Soooooo embarrassing.

Galway Remand

At Galway Distinct Court today, a woman was reminded in custard following her appearance on several charges of blasphemale, incitement to hate dread and pubic disorder. Judge Allthedishes Mahogany remarked that while Growonya Whale was “great gas”, he was obliged to take a damn view of her antics. He granted her request for free lucozade. Given she had no visible means of supper and was of no faxed adobe, he opined he was left with no choice but to enslamate her until her next curt appearance. “No bodder, Yer Onher” consoled the defendant, “I’ll see you here again when you’re free”.

Ms Whale faces charges arising from her a disturban on Shop Street in the town of Galway. She was arrested while dancing outside Griffins bakery, wearing a priest’s collar, a burka, and nothing else, repeatedly shouting “I’m a Charlie’s Angel”. Several passersby approached Ban Garda Monica Sago to complain. Garda Sago outlined the complaints in court. Citizens had variously felt insulted, embarrassed, short-taken, threatened, intimidated, mortified, assailed by impure thoughts, religiously persecuted, discomfited, holocaust-denied, and generally plussed off. Judge Mahogany appeared non-pissed at the charges, remarking “sure it was only a bit of craic, wasn’t it?”? and “I haven’t a clue where to put that question mark”. The punctuation mark was remanded in quotation.

Ms Whale personally thanked all present for their presence. It was agreed, given her religious persuasion, that she would be provided with a compass while in jail, so as to know which direction was One.

Denis O’Brien buys Swedish Academy, looks headed for clean sweep of Nobel gongs

The continuing impression of Denis O’Brien is of a teddy bear seething with resentment, so hurt he’s not loved that he intends mauling everyone and everything in sight, out of spite. Why can’t I have my just desserts? “Denis O’Brien, multi-millionaire genius businessman and philanthropist, loved and admired by all and sundry”. From various factor 50 sanctuaries whose denizens have little interest in tribunal findings of corrupt payments, he sues everything that moves, dispenses lorry loads of what looks like conscience money, and his media empire metastasises through what’s left of Irish journalism. And still the loathing grows. Fetch me my lawyers, I feel another lawsuit coming on. Only kidding about Nobel. Anyway, Norway runs the peace prize. For now.

Let’s have a ReferEndaum

Politics has indeed been reformed, as promised. Well, re-formed anyway. We remember with a shudder Minister you-know Richard you-know Bruton you-know, traipsing the airwaves in support of the referendum proposal to abolish the Seanad. Proudly keeping the FG promise to radically you-know reduce you-know the number of politicians by 30% (so there’d be lesser, or fewer even). Of course 90% of the reduction would be made up of the 60 axed senators. The Dáil chicken involved in the breakfast of reform, the Seanad pig rather committed.

The Constituency Commission had been given a hospital pass in its terms of reference. Whereas Enda had personally suggested demolishing the unfinished estate of the Seanad, and was happy to  put it to a referendum, reducing the number of TDs was far too important to be put to the people. And sure, the Constitution says there has to be at least one TD per 20,000. Bingo. Even bango bongo.
So the Commission recommended reducing TD numbers by, wait for it, you-know, 8. From 166 to 158. And half the boundaries in the western world have to be redrawn even for that tiny change. Radical reform indeed. Another promise kept. Tick the box. Universal Healthcare? Mmmm, let’s give cards to red-headed 20-30 yearolds this year, OK? Maybe next year, to people born in March in uneven years. Tick.

Here in God’s own country in Galway West, we will still have 5 TDs, marking each other daily, our own little eternal cold war. Legislating now and again, when they’re let, but potholes always more important than holes in the ozone layer. Every filled pothole five times welcomed.

Enda lied of course. The longest serving member of the Dáil, institutionalised therein to a jaw dropping extent, content to insult the intelligence of the populace with cynical promises.

A referendum to see if we agreed with him that the Seanad should go. A Constituency Commission precluded from suggesting Dáil reforms that would require a referendum.

We need to be more like the Swiss. Lashings of referenda, even referendums. Trust politicians not. Involve the people. Honestly Enda, we don’t mind one bit voting  a half dozen times a year on things that matter to us. It’s called democracy. No, I’m not suggesting that FF or SF would be better. It’s just you very specifically promised reform, and a better democracy, and wilfully and cynically did the opposite.

Ansbacher Remediation offer from Sinn Féin

In a further twist, Sinn Féin President Gerry Adams has offered to arrange the shooting or banishment of all those named yesterday in the Dáil by Mary Lou McDonald. “And if any of the victims – and by that I mean any of the long-suffering and oppressed people on this island – have other names, no problem. Just tweet me and they’ll be taken care of too”. Adams commented that he felt it “smartalecky” for anyone to suggest that the £25M haul from the 2004 Northern Bank robbery in Belfast would more than cover any Revenue losses arising from offshore accounts, and further denied that he would personally have two pensions as a result. Nor would he name any of those involved under cover of Dáil privilege. “Dáil privilege doesn’t stop bullets” he explained.

Mary Lou name a shame

When you’re being well marked and just can’t get your hands on the ball, try this. “Your lace is open”. Your opponent’s reflex is to inspect his boots – and you’re away!

So, with Sinn Fein known to be closely associated with murder, torture, kidnapping, rape, paedophilia, bank robbing, diesel laundering and bombing, and finding it hard to shake this off, it’s worth a try.

Incidentally, Mary Lou seems to be daily swelling with a resentment of Vesuvian magnitude. All this gerryminding is getting to her.

By the way, any chance Sinn Fein would name all the IRA criminals in the Dáil? Sure her fellow travellers would respect her Dáil privilege. Right? Sorry, I hear a knock at the d…..

1916 Centenary Commemoration Details Finalised at last

After all the hopping and trotting, posturing and arguing, thrusts and parries, it’s done. Minister Heather Humphreys has announced an extensive country-wide programme of events to start on Easter Sunday, March 27th 2016. The programme will be widely publicised.

In keeping with the spirit of the occasion, and to bring an all-island context to the festivities, the Northern Ireland Parades Commission will give a countermanding order on Easter Saturday, in effect banning all parades and other commemorative get-togethers and assemblies.

On Easter Monday, the public are invited to to check out who turns up anyway.